The marriage victory

In about a week and a half, Kris and I will have been married 18 years.

That's kind of a long time. If we had conceived a child before wedlock, he/she/it could be an adult now, and we would no longer be responsible when he/she/it was caught selling crack cocaine on Scott Street, racked up tens of thousands of dollars in text message fees or led police on a three-state high-speed pursuit.

So my -- excuse me, our -- marriage is a source of pride for me. (Not us. I'm not sure that it's a source of pride for Kris. And I'm not going to ask, either.) It's the one thing that I can point to in my life as a success.

Even so, I'm still learning how to properly weave my way through this "for-better-or-worse" partnership, and still stumble now and again. Sometimes it's not even my fault.

Kris woke up today to tell me that she's peeved at me. She dreamt that that I had a half of a day off, and that I went on some kind of trip without telling her.

"I was really mad," she said.

I carefully attempted to feel out the problem, in case there might be an actual time when I do have some free time (furlough!) and decided take a trip (the canoe/kayak store in Madison! Not that I have given this any thought) without telling her.

"But what if I would be home before you even knew it?" I asked.

"Well, that's what happened," she said. "It wasn't that you took the trip, it was that you didn't take me seriously. I was furious. I said, 'I want a divorce.'"

It's bad enough that I get blamed for things that I do do. But it's tough to take when I get in trouble for things that I don't do.

Of course, this situation in itself was minefield, and I walked through it carefully.

"Oh never mind," I could have said, "it was just a dream and you're overreacting."

BLAM! There goes my left foot.

Instead I said, "Wow, that's awful. I won't ever do anything like that."

She laughed.

And I'm back on safe ground, limbs intact.