Why Brian needs a new bike

Maybe you don't know Brian. He's my cousin-in-law. Last fall, he and I made an epic Mountain-Bay Trail ride from Green Bay to Wausau, during which we formed a bicycling bond that can't be broken.

I have come to believe that Brian is on the cusp of a very important turning point in his life. He is about to become a cyclist. He's even started riding with a local cycling group in Green Bay. And he is able to pull his young daughter Elise through the hills of Wausau without breaking a sweat. But there is a problem. He needs a new bike.

Right now he sits bolt upright on a city/comfort bike. There is nothing wrong with this bicycle. It's very nice to use around town, to pull Elise, and to use for toodling. But it's not the right tool for him to become a cyclist, the kind who frets about ave mph, rpms and drafting. He must get a road racing bicycle.

So I've compiled the top 10 reasons Brian needs a new bike:

10. He's skinny. Skinny guys make good bike riders.

9. Elise really wants to GO FAST in that little cart he pulls.

8. Brian likes to eat. Up until now, his youth and his squirrel-like metabolism has worked in his favor. But time stops for no one, and his cycling will allow him to continue to eat two pieces of pie after a full Aunt Shirley-created Thankgiving dinner.

7. He's become way too proficient at ladder ball, and really needs to take up a more active sport.

6. He's become way too proficient at Scrabble, and really needs to take up a more active sport.

5. He looks like American pro bike rider Levi Leipheimer.















Levi

























Brian

(OK, I don't have a lot of expertise in uploading photos into blogger, but you get the idea. [They are sans hair. It's more aerodynamic.])

4. Cycling is a sport that will get Brian out of the house. Getting Brian out of the house is a good thing, because then he won't annoy Cousin Jenny so much, therefore making their relationship stronger.

3. He's a pharmacist. That means he has easy access to pain killers.

2. He's a pharmacist. That means he has easy access to the latest in performing-enhancing drugs, and the expertise to foil drug-testing technology.

1. Because I need another cycling partner to cut the wind for me, so my rides are faster and easier. *

*Brian should get a good road bike, but not a great one. I want him to be good enough to pull me up some hills, but not so good that I won't be able to kick his keister.