My vexing problems

Two vexing problems are plaguing me, and they have done so most of my life.

The Number One Vexing Problem is my seemingly inability to lose weight, which I attribute to my rabid sugar consumption.

I've never believed that one actually could be addicted to sugar, like one can be addicted to cocaine or heroin. But according to a story titled "Sugar Love -- A Not So Sweet Story" in the Aug. 2013 edition of National Geographic, "an injection of sugar into the bloodstream stimulates the same pleasure center of the brain that respond to heroin and cocaine."

Oh my.

It seems to me that one way to kick the sugar addiction is to replace it with something else that might stimulate that pleasure center of the brain. It also seems that it might be counterproductive to replace chocolate chip cookies with crack, so I've decided to look for something else.

The problem? There doesn't seem to be much in my life at the moment that gives me the same kind of pleasure as eating a bowl of ice cream.

I love to run and bicycle, but you can only do that so much. I've given up cable television, and even when I had it, triggered the anger center of my brain much more than the pleasure center. ("Why is this crap on?! This is just another indication that our society is crumbling at the seams!")

I love reading, but when I sit down with a book or magazine, I almost always crave a graham cracker with Nutella. So reading triggers some kind of pleasure center, just not that one. I like music, but not that much. I like the feeling of accomplishment when I finish a chore, but only after it's completed, and I often reward myself with a cup of hot chocolate.

I also like to buy bicycling equipment and other outdoor sporting goods; but my personal finances cannot tolerate that swap. Plus, we only have so much space to store bikes.

For now, I'm just going to work on lowering my pleasure threshold. Maybe I can tweak the old brain center with two scoops of ice cream instead of two, three cookies instead, oh, say 12.

It'll never work.

Coming up: Vexing Problem Number Two: Why can't I write that novel?